HOPE + PASSION + MONOGAMY = FOREVER ?
The holiday is almost finished and it is time for a serious talk.
True, for a single gay man, the prospect of a town full of hot gay guys seems promising. The downside is that such a scenario is not particularly conducive to having a long-term monogamous relationship. Last week, after work, I headed straight to a close friend, who has been recently "attached". I saw him because there was something that he needed to ask me. So, Melch came to the rescue!
Now, let me look at the ultimate struggle between two primal needs: companionship and hot people.
Living in Makati meant that eventually the hot people started to become furniture to me. They were so ubiquitous that they just blended into the background, like nondescript sofas in a Levitz showroom. My horniest single friends were always the most aware of the delicious man-meat around every corner. Those in successful long-term relationships hardly noticed the Baywatch-like characteristics of their officemates, or had their heads turned by that adorable supervisor, who everyone else was trying to bag.
At the time, I assumed that when I met the right guy, I too would cease to notice any other man in the world. As I bounced from relationship to relationship without that happening, I started to think maybe there was something wrong with me.
After all, having been raised on the notion of true love, I thought it would be possible for the sexier side of my personality to shut down. On the contrary, it seems that being in a relationship can sometimes have the opposite effect. Men in relationships often seem more confident than single men because they aren't trying so hard. Suddenly, hot guys are more likely to come on to them. Being in love makes you feel sexy and desirable, which can also make you seem so hot that even the hottest bag boy in town is after your ass. While it's true that some people are completely blinded by love and can only see the person they are with, the people that this doesn't happen to shouldn't feel that their relationship is less stable or solid because of it. Different people just react to relationships in different ways.
Some people make the conscious choice not to choose between monogamy and random hot strangers. If you know that you couldn't possibly give up the eye candy without it turning into a more hands-on project, you should be clear and up-front about that, both with yourself and with potential dates. There is no dishonor in having an open relationship, as long as that is the plan from the onset. Too many people delude themselves into thinking they are ready for wholesome monogamy, just like mom and dad, when in their heart of hearts, they know they can't do it forever. At the same time, they don't want to be alone, and the hottest people out there aren't always the ones who are still there in the morning. They may not even stick around long enough for you to towel yourself off. I guess it all boils down to figuring out what is more important to you.
Nearly every single gay male friend I have says that he is looking for a relationship. Usually, he can't finish that sentence without craning his neck to get a better look at the waiter's ass. As appealing as all of these hot guys are, at a certain point, you need to make a fairly conscious choice. What is more important to you? Do you want to make a commitment and stick to it? Or do you want to bounce from hottie to hottie until there is no air left in the dodge ball?
If you aren't willing to have an open relationship or live in the land of the endless three-way, you have to face up to your choice. For so many of my friends, it seems like a choice they are unwilling or unable to make. So the parade of inferior and self-sabotaging relationships begins, and it's clear from the beginning that they are doomed to failure. For some people this might seem like a midway compromise: some relationship and some hot gay action. For me, it just looks like copout. Make your choice, whatever it is, and stick with it.
Living in Makati meant that eventually the hot people started to become furniture to me. They were so ubiquitous that they just blended into the background, like nondescript sofas in a Levitz showroom. My horniest single friends were always the most aware of the delicious man-meat around every corner. Those in successful long-term relationships hardly noticed the Baywatch-like characteristics of their officemates, or had their heads turned by that adorable supervisor, who everyone else was trying to bag.
At the time, I assumed that when I met the right guy, I too would cease to notice any other man in the world. As I bounced from relationship to relationship without that happening, I started to think maybe there was something wrong with me.
After all, having been raised on the notion of true love, I thought it would be possible for the sexier side of my personality to shut down. On the contrary, it seems that being in a relationship can sometimes have the opposite effect. Men in relationships often seem more confident than single men because they aren't trying so hard. Suddenly, hot guys are more likely to come on to them. Being in love makes you feel sexy and desirable, which can also make you seem so hot that even the hottest bag boy in town is after your ass. While it's true that some people are completely blinded by love and can only see the person they are with, the people that this doesn't happen to shouldn't feel that their relationship is less stable or solid because of it. Different people just react to relationships in different ways.
Some people make the conscious choice not to choose between monogamy and random hot strangers. If you know that you couldn't possibly give up the eye candy without it turning into a more hands-on project, you should be clear and up-front about that, both with yourself and with potential dates. There is no dishonor in having an open relationship, as long as that is the plan from the onset. Too many people delude themselves into thinking they are ready for wholesome monogamy, just like mom and dad, when in their heart of hearts, they know they can't do it forever. At the same time, they don't want to be alone, and the hottest people out there aren't always the ones who are still there in the morning. They may not even stick around long enough for you to towel yourself off. I guess it all boils down to figuring out what is more important to you.
Nearly every single gay male friend I have says that he is looking for a relationship. Usually, he can't finish that sentence without craning his neck to get a better look at the waiter's ass. As appealing as all of these hot guys are, at a certain point, you need to make a fairly conscious choice. What is more important to you? Do you want to make a commitment and stick to it? Or do you want to bounce from hottie to hottie until there is no air left in the dodge ball?
If you aren't willing to have an open relationship or live in the land of the endless three-way, you have to face up to your choice. For so many of my friends, it seems like a choice they are unwilling or unable to make. So the parade of inferior and self-sabotaging relationships begins, and it's clear from the beginning that they are doomed to failure. For some people this might seem like a midway compromise: some relationship and some hot gay action. For me, it just looks like copout. Make your choice, whatever it is, and stick with it.
posted by Mulch @ 5:38 AM
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